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TOPIC: Meltdowns

Meltdowns 1 year, 9 months ago #5281

  • Kylie
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Hi everyone,

My son is almost 9 and was diagnosed with Aspergers over a year ago. Overall things have been getting easier to manage as he matures and grows. I do feel worried about what happens when he has a melt down or loses it. It is quite scary and very volatile. We have been getting help but it seems the last few months his behaviour, when he is angry has gotten worse. Before he might storm off but now he screams the house down, kicks walls and belongings and sometimes strikes out physically at us.

While he has meltdowns less often and can recover more quickly afterwards it is pretty full on when he is in a meltdown or when he is angry about something.

I worry about when he is going through puberty when he is bigger, stronger, growing and possibly experimenting with substances.

I would be really keen to know what you guys have experienced yourselves growing up. If your anger was destructive too was there anything that helped or could of helped you. I would be interested in other parents experiences too.

We see a service who use ABA every week and they are looking at this issue with our boy. This is good. But I wonder what else might be helpful. I don't want my son to hurt or be hurt which I think could happen if he lost it with a future partner or in a situation outside our home.

Thanks heaps,

Kylie.

Re: Meltdowns 1 year, 9 months ago #5282

  • kittykkat
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hey kylie
im hearing u on meltdowns and yes i find it easier as they get older pubity is challanging but rewarding at the same time my eldest AS son is now 21 he would meltdown at the drop of a hat worst place was when we were out he couldnt handle bieng out with the noises and people looking at him so we limated him going out with his melt downs i just let him go in his room he would timeout on his xbox i know people would say thats not dissapline but he calmed down he would come out 1/2 an hour latter and appoligise to me and i was able to talk to him about his behaviour now at 21 hes so different last night my 11 yr old who has just been diognosed with PDDNOS and ADHD had a melt down he took all his bedding out to the back veranda i didnt make a thing out of it but pointed it out to my 21 yr old so he said mum i know what hes going threw let me handle it so i did he had him inside in 20 mins told him to relax on his bed then told me hes ok its just a AS thing just watch him for depression i was was so amazed that he could conect with my 11 yr old and thanked him for it

Re: Meltdowns 1 year, 9 months ago #5284

  • Kylie
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That's awesome that your elder son could help in this way. It may help him see what he looks like by watching someone else meltdown too ( if that makes sense ?).

I reckon if we can get through my sons teenage years not too scarred then things will get better. I find when my son is growing then things are far worse and in between growing periods relatively easy.

Did you try any professional help with your son's meltdowns? I'm wondering about approaching a counsellor or someone who specializes in this area.

I smiled when I read about your son going to his room and playing Xbox. It's true most people don't equate this with discipline or behaviour management but I totally got it and identified that we too need to handle things differently than others, and that others who dont have our experiences don't really understand.

So thanks heaps for replying. Best wishes,

Kylie.

Re: Meltdowns 1 year, 9 months ago #5286

  • kittykkat
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my older boy no we didnt get help he wasnt violent when he meltdown and i didnt know where to go i did contact mental health there words were we dont deal with autism so i just use to go to the aspergers suport group in my town as they get older they tend to manage there AS better and learn to control it my son who is 11 is seeing a occupational therpy and a dietition this week hes more the day dreamer with his ADHD and has mild AS managble threw diet im not doing the ritlin thing again with his time out we alow him to have personal space time in his room although he did want to dig a tunnel to put himself in to escape the world but i told him it was a good thought but not practible

Re: Meltdowns 1 year, 9 months ago #5294

  • AspieCialGuy
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Kylie wrote:
I would be really keen to know what you guys have experienced yourselves growing up. If your anger was destructive too was there anything that helped or could of helped you. I would be interested in other parents experiences too.


Hi Kylie,

I am 44 years old. I "diagnosed myself" when I was 43. Up until I was 10 I had a very violent temper where I also lashed out at family members. From memory, the catalyst for me was my brother antagonizing and teasing me to entertain him and his friends till I had a meltdown.

I guess the difficulties I had (without even being aware of them) had me on edge most of the time and being pushed over the edge didn't take much.

The main frustration for me was that I never "started it" but I was always the one who got in trouble because of my supposedly over the top reaction. (I have said it here a few times that an Aspies reaction to most things is (in their eyes) equal and opposite to the action that upset them in the first place. So I believe typically that the world of hurt that they feel they have to dish out, is the same as the pain they are feeling inside.

The thing that stopped me was that I lashed out at my pregnant sister. And although I didn't actually hurt her or her unborn child, it REALLY scared the heck out of me as I realized the full potential that a violent outburst can have.

From that day, I never, ever lashed out at another person again. Although I have been pushed to my absolute limits on a few occasions and the occasional door or fence has come off second best.

Of course I do not wish for anyone to be hurt in order for your son to learn a lesson, so I would have to say that by the time it gets to a meltdown it is too late. The idea should be to mitigate and communicate at all times to prevent it getting to meltdown at all.

While your son is young enough (before the difficult teen years) I would suggest you establish good, open lines of communication with him so he feels he can talk to you at any time about anything and he will not be judged for it.

Ask him daily how he is going and if there is anything bothering him. Then if there is, talk through it and try to work through it so that he no longer holds any anger or frustration or resentment over that issue. I am sure if nothing else he will appreciate the simple fact that you are showing genuine concern and WANT to understand his difficulties and issues.

A lot of my issues and frustrations come from not feeling understood, accepted or heard, even to this day.

I hope it goes well for you. I would be happy to talk to you "offline" if you want.

Oh yeah - since this category is "Website feedback" keep up the great website guys!

Last Edit: 1 year, 9 months ago by AspieCialGuy.

Re: Meltdowns 1 year, 9 months ago #5298

  • AspieCialGuy
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Oh sorry, I forgot the most important thing -;

Your son need to develop/learn to respect all living things, and therefore know that he has no right to hurt, harm or even threaten anyone else or himself. And he must learn that he has not right or power over anyone else.

I am guessing here, but I am assuming that when in a violent rage, people think that those they threaten, hurt or yell at, somehow deserve what they are getting or that they are of lesser importance or humanity and therefore it is OK for them to be treated this way. And if that is their mentality, then it is just not on.

I would also illustrate/explain the full consequences of his actions. For example, Threats to kill is a jail-able offence, as is assault against anyone (including family of course) as is damage to property.
I am not saying you should have him arrested, but as he gets older the potential for the violence and rage to escalate is very real. So it is best to instil this mentality as early as you can.

I would also tell him that if he breaks any property, furniture etc. then he will be made to pay for the cost of repairs and/or miss out on things that you would normally buy for him so you can pay for the repair of the damage he caused.

Of course, I think the important thing to start with is to understand how he thinks through things and work on the issues that he is prepared to share with you.
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