Having a long moment of rage.

It bugs me ever since I got my diagnosis in February 2011. Those comments made by NT's : "Knowing what it is you have you can change it; become more sociable; become more like us; "fit in" the rest of our group". Etc etc.
I Bl.... tried that for the last 39 years and it only gave me permanent stress, confusion, anxiety, frustration and anger towards myself. Why on earth would I learn coping skills to be able to "fit in"! To me it feels like giving tools to finally be able to fulfil NT's expectations just to be more respected/accepted?? Why can't they just accept the way I am?

Why is it that always the ones who are different have to adjust??? Why can't NT adjust to us for a change and simply accept we are different, think differently but we are still human. We never ask NT's to adjust and change so they can "fit in " our world!!

It is always Aspies that has to adjust, have to learn skills to cope with NT way of thinking/living. Nobody expects a person with Down Syndrome to fit in or change, noooo it is not expected and it is ACCEPTED that people with DS are the way they are.

Aspies have to accept that NT's don't understand our world but it is barely the other way around because NT's can't comprehend our world. That is exactly the same for us: we don't understand any of the NT world AND still it is NT's who make the rules and say aspies should be the ones who have to do their utmost best to fit in. NT's can do what they want and when they want but expect from aspies to adjust and fit in. We already have to put 100% effort in just coping a "normal" day, that is already putting us on the edge of our abilities and still they demand aspies to put in another 10% more (getting tools and apply them) in order to "fit in" NT reality. Because they can't understand our world we have to learn how to cope in theirs?????

I really wonder why I do all this trouble and cause myself this enormous amount of anxiety just by trying to do what OTHERS think I should do. Why would I be in a country I hate, have to wait for professional help to get tools, which I might not use anyway because it would take away who I really am. Why can't people just leave me alone, let me be a hermit if I want to be one and let me BE ME. Why is it me who have to do the adjustments when it is clear I can't do it!

People around me (so-called friends/family) say: "We want you to get better." Better??????????? I am not sick, although I have a cold at this moment. I have AS, can't be cured, can't get better. I might feel a bit better if people just take me as I am, leave me to be me without any adjustmenst or trying to transform me into a social being, which I am not. I feel I am placed in a position by NT's (shit I allowed them to do that) with only two options: stay ashore and live in NT world, with all the complications etc that brings it along or jump off the cliff to escape that dangereous, illogical, greedy, chaotic NT world full of hypocritical NT's. AARRRGGGHHH! And then NT's wonder why I rather want to be dead? mmmmmm, let me think

I am soooooo fed up with this world! It is just like Rob said in another topic "damned if you do, damned if you don't" . I am exhausted of fighting and trying, I have decided to quit. I might get totally social irresponsible, as long as I stay close to ME I don't give a damn. I will stay for just a few more months in shitty land, I have still 2 things to complete here. Once these two are completed I will go and do whatever I want.

Still angry even after writing this.

I do like how you said



Some other good points on coping to reminded me of how my Mother was talking to me saying at least I will have some coping tools. Reading your post I felt a bit like planet Mercury sitting too close to the Sun , blasted by solar radiation . Hope that it helped to let it out

Coping tools sometimes I think, ok that's good, now I can swim like the other fish only twicew as hard and not so successful, but maybe it will work out. . We need a hmmmmm smiley face. My worry on the coping tools is that I wont be fast enough, I have been told it wont be real time. I don't want to seem slow .

I have had people talk about better or "behave better". Have you had that one recently. I love that one. Coping tools could lead to better behaviour amongst peers. , my turn for some colourful icons smileys.

Hi Shaun,

1. No I am still angry, Mercury has totally exploded yet. Spoke to a pastor tday about AS and Christianity. He has said a few things, which I am not sure I will be able to understand but it made difference between the two worlds perfectly clear. My point of view (rigid and only one option: either you are good or you are bad) and his view (apparently he saw some empathy from my side????? ) Immediately raising questions from my side: does he know the difference betwwen sympathy and empathy; how much does he know about AS; is he just saying it to make me feel better (not: it only confuses me more) etc.

My worry on the coping stuff, besides what I already have written, is how much more effort it going to cost me to apply these tools and is it worth it? I am leaking energy as it is already, without any coping skills. Just the thought of having to put an extra load of energy in keep standing in this NT world already makes me feel exhausted.

"Behave better": last time encountered approx a month ago. Sister in law was having her birthday. Birthdays are always a grand event for her (I miss that one, next year I will turn 40.... guess where I won't be ). Knowing her way of celebrating birthdays (big family incl kids) was just not my thing and I refused to go. Mum: "but it is her birthday, it is important to her". Duh, and my feelings of anxiety, panic and exhausting are not important?????? I wrote her an email, wishing her a nice day and explained why I wouldn't be there. My first step in Me being ME.
I think with the aspie nature/ attitude we behave better than NT's. At least we are honest!!

How would a hmmmm smiley have to look like? I think a crying smiley would be a great addition too. One with a fountain of tears coming out of the eyes. And an anxiety one, that would be used a lot of times.

Shaun have a look at topic dad's paintings in Arts: you can see the pictures my dad made. The one I was talking about a few months ago.

cheers

Hi Passie,

Wow oh wow , such good arts.

I really liked them .

I have seen a crying smiley icon, it looked like a smiley about to sneeze, it had some blue ice cubes going down the side of the face to represent the tears

Not what you would expect!

Shaun