Hi all, this is interesting. I notice this topic is called Aspie theory of mind, and yet I often think we are dealing with NT theory of mind. Have you noticed that in many situations it is the NT's that assume others can understand their thoughts and feelings without explanation?
I also believe that often these misunderstandings occur because expectations of friendhips or relationships have not been clearly defined or have changed. This can occur because the AS person doesn't want to create the boundaries for fear of upsetting the other person, and NT's just either assume we are naturally on the same page, or don't realize that Aspies need to understand where they 'fit' in a friendship and also need honesty in expectations.

I have to agree with Jodie, Rob the fact that you know there should be a response in the form of empathy is great. It upsets you that you can't feel others emotions is evidence alone that you are not cold or uncaring.
I used to
Be called 'the ice queen' , I had such a lack of compassion and empathy. Now as you know I am oversensitive to others emotions, which shows empathy can be learned! The challenge, I believe, is finding the balance, understanding the reasons for emotions and behaviours, sympathizing, but not taking on the emotions and feelings personally, as this can also be very taxing!

So Rob I feel for you that you are having doubts as to you empathy skills, but you do seem to us be caring, genuine and compassionate. When NT friends are honest with you and know the boundaries and expectations of your friendship they will see and appreciate your strengths.

dyske.com/paper/911
Read this article Rob! Talks about empty capacity vs empathetic ability. It is very interesting. If I can paraphrase.... Baron Cohen suggests Male brains are designed for building systems, female brains built for empathy! But, empathy capacity is different to empathy ability. And, as we have discussed, empathy relates to personal experience and it can be learned! Yet! Love it when my opinion is backed by credible documentation! enjoy!

Jodster wrote:


Except for the most recent funeral I attended, when I cry at a funeral, it is because I think I am wasting my life and that I did not have as much to do with the deceased as I would have liked to. I cry because it is too late for me and them and I cry because I cannot help being how I am for the most part (aspie)

At the most recent funeral I cried because I did not feel worthy to be associated with this person or his extended family. They are among the nicest people I know. I also cry for the immediate family and the grief that must be feeling.

yes they do.





Thanks, I will try.

Neil40 wrote:


Yes. I also notice that Aspies tend to explain thing to other Aspies so that there is little confusion. Even things that seem ridiculously obvious to NTs, an Aspie will clarify just about every time they think there may be confusion between Aspies. I am not sure we do this for NTs. But I think this may be because we don't want to seem stupid, by their standards.



Platinum, Neils. I promised myself I would not cry......







Yay

Gee you guys know how to make me feel better about me.

Neil40 wrote:


I may need to come back to you if I don'r get something. Even your paraphrasing has my single-celled grey matter freaking out



Me too

Rob wrote:


That's cause you're tops

Rob I think you brought up a very important point. I've noticed that we tend to explain things a lot to others on here, and make sure we clarify things. I too have noticed however, that I don't do this as much with NTs as I do on here, except with S. I've noticed that since I've been on here, I've been explaining myself a lot further with him, and it's made it a lot easier for him to accept why I need to do things the way I do. He has quite a logical way of thinking too, so if there is a logical explanation, he's happy to go along with it.

I think one reason I don't explain things to most NTs sufficiently sometimes, as there have been instances where I HAVE explained myself quite thoroughly, but they got offended as they thought I was explaining something to them that was common knowledge, therefore making them feel like I think they are not very smart. I hope that sentence makes sense?? This has happened to me a few times, where I have explained something, as I would have liked it being explained to me, but it wasn't necessary, so I upset the people involved, and I didn't want to do that again.