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Friendships are so overrated!!
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TOPIC: Friendships are so overrated!!

Friendships are so overrated!! 2 years, 1 month ago #4651

  • Catwoman79
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I have a young Aspie friend who I got along really well with despite the 13 year age difference but she had a lot of dramas which included nearly being homeless and a relationship break up.

Anyway this girl used to text and message T and I asking for advice and help with these dramas that she was having and we spent money we can ill afford, T,I and 2 other friends (all Aspies) drove around for hours on end one day to help her find accommodation when she was thrown out of the second house she stayed at since arriving here in Brisbane and gave the best advice we could, during this time her relationship had come to an end and she stopped speaking to us for a while, we didn't pick up the signs or even bother about it at first as time went on I did question why we were suddenly cut off.

Anyway we get a call recently about how she had gone back to visit some family which hasn't gone too well and she admitted that she hadn't spoken to us because of the relationship break down and blamed us for it, T and I aren't too happy about this because we did the best we could to help her, we gave the best advice we could with the information we were given though I had to contact her on again off again boyfriend to get some further information to get the full story as I had suspected that some things weren't adding up and he indicated to me that he didn't want to continue the relationship with her at that time and I copied and pasted those messages and sent them to her so she would understand where he was coming from, since then they have gotten back together according to her but her family do not approve of this for their own reasons which may or may not be valid. During the last phone call T almost had a meltdown and admitted later on that he was close to taking the phone off me and throwing it out the car window as he has had enough of this girl and her dramas, as soon as I saw that he was about to explode I hung up and sent her a text message saying that the phone was almost flat which was a white lie but it had to be done as he was my main concern at that point.

We were advised by other people at the time that we were doing too much for this girl and that we should slow it down and look after ourselves first but my partner and I are not selfish people and do not mind helping others in need but I think in this case we were wrongly blamed for something that was going on long before she became friends with us and I'm pretty angry about it and so is my partner. We did our best and as far as we're concerned we got a little burnt.

Seriously people shouldn't ask for advice and opinions if they don't like what they hear or think it's wrong and/or if things don't go how want them to go...apparently the relationship is back on and I genuinely wish both of them luck but this girl is on her own from now on as we are not going to extend ourselves like that again and then get blamed when something goes pear shaped so to speak...I have very little tolerance for that sort of shit..


Selena
Last Edit: 2 years, 1 month ago by Catwoman79.

Re: Friendships are so overrated!! 2 years, 1 month ago #4653

  • ozman
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Well said and better not to get involved

Re: Friendships are so overrated!! 2 years, 1 month ago #4654

  • Catwoman79
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Yes but I hate the fact I'm too slow to pick it up before it's too late!!

An NT friend told me that the best strategy is not to get involved in things like that and tell people to go and see a counsellor, to support somebody on a forum or in real life is one thing but to be dragged into something where you are asked to give advice and then unfairly blamed when things go wrong is another thing because that person obviously had unrealistic and unreasonable expectations of T and I in the first place.

For example you come on this forum to get support for your marital problems but you don't drag people into the thick of it and then blame them when things go wrong so people are happy to offer support to people like yourself because thats all you're asking for but I do have a problem with people who ask for support and advice, don't take it on board, don't make an effort to fix things and then get the shits with everybody else when shit goes wrong....There is a major difference between the two scenarios I've just described!!

Selena
Last Edit: 2 years, 1 month ago by Catwoman79.
The following user(s) said Thank You: Yoda053

Re: Friendships are so overrated!! 2 years, 1 month ago #4659

  • Yoda053
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I agree Selena. I have learnt from past experiences and situations even though no matter how much you want to help the person in whatever situation they maybe in that you have to distance yourself from their situation and not get involved. I have been taught now to have what I got taught, selective hearing and have learnt to just turn off when such instances or situations arise, having another mobile phone or sim card comes in handy as well that is why I now own two phones. Having family, close friends, everyone from work, supervisers, support workers, my phycologist and councillor these days who keep me away from all the problems, dramas, disagreements and people wanting me to take sides or get involved in friend to friend fights which these days, do not happen at all because we all know and understand each others boundries. I have found that I can now concentrate on my hobbies and interests and finish the books that I've been wanting to read for ages and do my drawings sketches without having people ring me constantly anymore asking for help or involving me in their situations, problems or disagreements. I am now also on medication which helps me as well.
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Re: Friendships are so overrated!! 2 years, 1 month ago #4662

  • Catwoman79
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You're doing very well Annette!! I am glad to hear that you have the appropriate support network now, you really did need that.

You did too much for some people back then and it's good that you have that healthier balance now.

Hobbies and interests are good to have and they are what keeps us balanced!!

Selena

Re: Friendships are so overrated!! 2 years, 1 month ago #4664

  • ozman
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Couldn't agree more and when we are balanced we are more attractive to other people
The following user(s) said Thank You: Catwoman79
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